When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize