i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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