My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
