There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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