It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
