you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
do nipples grow back?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
