It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
