Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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