I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
