he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
