i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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