I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
