I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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