First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
