you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
