Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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