I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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