if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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