I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Randomize
