I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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