Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
