Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
