Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
