Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
