Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
