My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
