1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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