i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
