Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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