ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
