Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
