We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
