Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
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