Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize