dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
