im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
