So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
