Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
