Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
