I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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