Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
