if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Hippo gnu deer
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
