I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
