i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize