chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
worst night to have a conscience
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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