Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize