If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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