I wish I could teleport
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
