someone get that fucking seahorse.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
