I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
