WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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