At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
