the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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