my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Success! We fucked roommates!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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