new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
