At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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