i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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